Over the last few days there have been a lot of changes in my life. My husband was screwed into PCAing to a different unit after only 10 months of being in his current unit. Now he is going to be leaving again in about 6 months, for the 4th time, except this time my daughter will be fully aware he is gone. I know millions of families go through this, and for me, I am not upset, we've done this 3 times, I'm fine. But Caitlin, I never thought would have to deal with this again. I never knew how much something like this could affect her, her life and progress with her anxiety. Its hard with her because she acts like Stephen is her worst enemy sometimes, but she loves him so much. The littlest things bother her and I hope we will be able to get through all of this in one piece.
I guess I never really knew what deployments did to kids, and how much they are affected by the coming and going of their mommy's and daddy's. Caitlin was 3 1/2 when Stephen came home last time, and that was hard for her at that age. I dont want her to be scared, or to wonder why daddy isnt home. It breaks my heart. But as I said, life changes.
Theres a lot more going on this next time as well, for Caitlin: Sensory therapy, school (1rst grade), liver biopsy, after school activities and of course doctor appointments that never end. For me just one big one. School. I have to do it. Its going to be rough because I had assumed that my husband would be home. I think my big thing is going to be trying to find a balance between over exerting my self and keeping my sanity. I'm a little rusty at this deployment thing :)
Hopefully I dont go insane. Luckily I know I will have my friends here to keep me sane with Starbucks dates, Army wive/ House dates, and going up north to see Caitlins grandparents and of course I will have Jasmine.
I know I whine about my dog, but she can tell I am dreading whats coming. I dont know if hes going to a war zone or what, so of course I am concerned about him. But Jasmine has this uncanny way of knowing when I need some snuggles, or some comfort. I am so glad we got her. She just kind of calms me and lets me know its going to be okay. Shes also Caitlin's best friend and I know that will play a crucial role in this upcoming deployment.
We'll get through this.
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